Have you ever been on an airplane?
Of course you have. It’s what you used to fly across the country to surprise visit your long-distance girlfriend – only when you got there, you walked in on her and some guy she met at an In-N-Out Burger getting it on. Whoops.
Ok so that was a bad trip, but try to block out what you saw and focus on the plane ride. There’s something about planes the scrambles our minds, it makes us irrational. So there are two specific aspects of the journey that I’ll just never understand.
- People who stand up at the gate 10 minutes before their zone gets called to board.
- People who stand up in the aisle of the plane immediately after the, “Fasten Seatbelt,” sign is turned off.
If you’re one of those people, I’ve got a question for you. What the hell is wrong with you? Seriously.
I can kind of understand the first one. I’ve been on small planes where the overhead storage is limited, and the bin above your seat is already packed full when you get to your seat.
That’s when the genuine panic sets in – you start searching frantically for an open bin. You think, “Holy shit, this is it. This is the time there’s literally no more space.” But you always find an open bin don’t you? Just like the paradox of the endless sock drawer – if you look hard enough, you’ll always find that extra sock AND space in an overhead bin.
So I sort of get why people do number 1, but number 2? There’s just no defending that. The instant these people hear that little, “Ding” and see the light go off of the, “Fasten Seatbelt” sign, they literally leap out of their seats. They spring to action, and are so damn proud of themselves for beating their cross-aisle partner to the punch.
Congratulations, you now get to stand bumper to bumper with your fellow over-eager passengers for 5 minutes while they open the plane door. Man, I just don’t get it and I don’t think I ever will.
I’ve started a trend that I’ll hope you’ll continue. I’ve made it a point to be the last passenger off the plane. I let everybody else go ahead of me while I sit in my seat and look out the window. As soon as the last person passes me, I calmly get up and get my bag from the overhead bin without rushing. I nod to the flight attendant on my way out, and pass about half of the people who stood up immediately while they wait on their planeside-checked bags.
We rush just about everywhere nowadays, but the next time your plane arrives at the gate – do me a favor and just sit the hell down. Relax for a second, I think you’ll like it better.
But that^s just me.